Helping Friends & My Pain too

I hate feeling low
but i hate even more when my best friend is feeling low or is upset, all i want to do it take away her pain an it hard, coz ya can't always do that can ya?

I've had a very low day me self but then my best friend txt an said she had a problem but she couldn't talk about it rite now but tell me later!
Now i'm worried about her, I really am an my head is all over the place, as i have my low stuff goin round me head but I am so so worried about my friend!!
She said she would be ok but hay friends can't help worrying about each other!!
An i guess i am a bit of a born worrier!!

I hate it when there is nothing i can do for them, it hurts me even more so!
I know all i can do is be there for her when she's ready to talk an thats what i'm doing!

All i keep thinking about at the moment is the baby I lost at the moment, its hard when 2 of my friends are pregnant an i feel so much joy for them but the painful memories of loosing my child, keep flooding back!! An last year i think i may have had another miscarraige as i went on a girls wkend away an slept with someone and i was due on the week after I got back an i missed that period, I put it down to being stress as I had only started in my new job in the jan, so waited for next month an i missed that one, i started to panic but didn't want to buy a test as it would make it all real, so i waited another month an it never came but a few days into the next month i started to bleed, but it was worse then a period, just like my miscarraige an i cried I didn't know what to do! I couldn't go to the doctors as i i hadn't taken a test or anything!!
So i guess i don't know for sure if I was pregnant or not!!
I never told anyone as i was so scared an plus i should ave known better then just to sleep around like i did!
But i know thats all to do with my assault now!

What a Day? Lets run it out x x

Right To start i've had a bad day, well not day late afternoon, i was treated badly by my manager, even tho i am the manager of the setting, i have a management commity
but this is why i have written what i have written below, anyway enough about that here goes:-

Pain
I'm hurting like mad
I hate being treated like this
I feel so angry, sad an upset
It feels like i'm gonna have a set back

I've just been out runnung and pushed me self so so so hard
I ran an ran an ran pushing through the pain, tears started to fall so i pushed my self even more,my friends shouted my name, i couldn't let them see me cry, so i pushed my self harder again, i stopped for a couple of steps then pushed my self up the hill again


We got about about 20mins ago and all i want to do now is go out running again,
I want to push my self again
I want to feel the pain
I've run my self a bath and poured my self a glass of wine but i don't want them
I want to run, I guess its my way of feeling like i'm running away but not actully running away
I think i might go
I really want to go
Oh fuck it i'm off out running again
Mite not go as far but i'm off
I have to I have to get ride of this pain
This temper
Everything i'm feeling right now
I have to do it
I have to run it off
I'm off out now
I went out god i feel so much better for doing the 2nd run, i just knew i had to do it, an now i feel a bit more chilled out.
It was scary running on my own at first esp as i ran down the cycle path alone, everytime a strange man walked passed or cyled passed i'd start to feel scared but when i'd got off the path on to the road, i felt safe again.
But it helped and when i got home i also had a nice relaxin bath, listening to chill out music and drinkin a nice chilled glass of wine,
what more could a girl want?

Anyway
hope you r all well
Take care
keep smiling
the light is a head of us
an i'm sure we'll reach it
xX PinkYorkshireLass Xx



Below is a sort of poem ish, i wanted to share it with you anyway.

i look
i turn
i hate the way i feel
I feel like i am alone in the world
That the world is coming after me
That shouldn't be here
That I should just end it, end it now

but then the next corner i turn
i feel loved by my close friends
who with every tear i shed its wiped away by them
they tell me they are there
an show me they are too