Life forward or back???

I don't know how to feel right now!

Some days are up an some are down but at the moment it feels like i have more down than up days today is a down day!!
All day i have felt down but I have been to scared to talk to my best friend about it! I feel just lately all i have done is cry in front of her an its not how i want to be! I'm holding back the tears! Gluping hard!!

Today I got a form for counselling an it scares the HELL out of me!!
So much so I don't know what to do! I know i need to go to counselling but it scares the hell out of me!!
I want to cry but i don't want to hold anyone back an I hate feeling like I'm a burden, which at the moment i do!! I feel like I'm ONE HELL OF A BIG BURDEN!!

I really don't know if i can do this anymore?!
I don't know how much more I can take?!
I don't know if my life is worth it?!
I don't feel worth it anymore?!

I feel scared of all these feelings I'm feeling!!

I have alot of pain an hurt!!
An thats why I feel I'm such a burden!!


I feel so alone but I'm scared too let people in,
OMG I hate these tears, this pain!!

I just don't feel worth it!!
I feel ugly
I feel FAT
I feel sooooo sooooo horride
I hate me
I hate what i look like
I hate who I am
I really do wonder what people see in me
but i also feel lucky to have such a good friend
who i love!

Xx <3 xX