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Friday, 27 May 2011
Saturday, 23 April 2011
Thursday, 7 April 2011
Awareness
Its Sexual Assault Awareness & Child Abuse prevention Month!!!
Take a Stand and Let it be heard!!
Lets not turn our heads away but turn our heads towards this subject that at most times stands in the shadows of shame! An shed light in to the darkness that surrounds it!
To Learn More go to www.Joyfulheartfoundation.org
If we were not to take a stand then this darkness begins to win,
It surround these subjects while the light shines away,
The world may seem rosy but its far from
Its deepest darkest truths need to be told
They need this light
It needs to be heard
To show the world we are not scared
We will listen
We will take a stand an
You do not need to shoulder the blame
We stand with you
As we turn our heads towards this deep dark shadow
As we stand together an
Shine the light
PLEASE TAKE A STAND WITH ME & HELP SHINE THAT LIGHT
Thursday, 3 March 2011
Life forward or back???
I don't know how to feel right now!
Some days are up an some are down but at the moment it feels like i have more down than up days today is a down day!!
All day i have felt down but I have been to scared to talk to my best friend about it! I feel just lately all i have done is cry in front of her an its not how i want to be! I'm holding back the tears! Gluping hard!!
Today I got a form for counselling an it scares the HELL out of me!!
So much so I don't know what to do! I know i need to go to counselling but it scares the hell out of me!!
I want to cry but i don't want to hold anyone back an I hate feeling like I'm a burden, which at the moment i do!! I feel like I'm ONE HELL OF A BIG BURDEN!!
I really don't know if i can do this anymore?!
I don't know how much more I can take?!
I don't know if my life is worth it?!
I don't feel worth it anymore?!
I feel scared of all these feelings I'm feeling!!
I have alot of pain an hurt!!
An thats why I feel I'm such a burden!!
I feel so alone but I'm scared too let people in,
OMG I hate these tears, this pain!!
I just don't feel worth it!!
I feel ugly
I feel FAT
I feel sooooo sooooo horride
I hate me
I hate what i look like
I hate who I am
I really do wonder what people see in me
but i also feel lucky to have such a good friend
who i love!
Xx <3 xX
Some days are up an some are down but at the moment it feels like i have more down than up days today is a down day!!
All day i have felt down but I have been to scared to talk to my best friend about it! I feel just lately all i have done is cry in front of her an its not how i want to be! I'm holding back the tears! Gluping hard!!
Today I got a form for counselling an it scares the HELL out of me!!
So much so I don't know what to do! I know i need to go to counselling but it scares the hell out of me!!
I want to cry but i don't want to hold anyone back an I hate feeling like I'm a burden, which at the moment i do!! I feel like I'm ONE HELL OF A BIG BURDEN!!
I really don't know if i can do this anymore?!
I don't know how much more I can take?!
I don't know if my life is worth it?!
I don't feel worth it anymore?!
I feel scared of all these feelings I'm feeling!!
I have alot of pain an hurt!!
An thats why I feel I'm such a burden!!
I feel so alone but I'm scared too let people in,
OMG I hate these tears, this pain!!
I just don't feel worth it!!
I feel ugly
I feel FAT
I feel sooooo sooooo horride
I hate me
I hate what i look like
I hate who I am
I really do wonder what people see in me
but i also feel lucky to have such a good friend
who i love!
Xx <3 xX
Friday, 18 February 2011
WHY?
Life isn't too good right now!
I'm so low and don't see an End at the moment, but i made a move & I went to the Doctors and he signed me off work and i have been put on antidepressants, i know it will take a while for them to kick in but its so hard right now!
I just feel so lost an alone right now! I know I have my best friend there and I feel soo safe when I'm around her but I know I can't keep putting on her, I can't be a burden like this but i don't know what to do! I need HELP!!
I'm so scared!! I wish I had more courage than I do right now but I guess i just ave to take each day as it comes, BABY STEPS as they say!!
I just wonder how I'm gonna get out of this! How I'm gonna be good again, I just don't see an end right now!!
But I'm scared I'm gonna loose everything they way I'm feeling right now!!
Xx
I'm so low and don't see an End at the moment, but i made a move & I went to the Doctors and he signed me off work and i have been put on antidepressants, i know it will take a while for them to kick in but its so hard right now!
I just feel so lost an alone right now! I know I have my best friend there and I feel soo safe when I'm around her but I know I can't keep putting on her, I can't be a burden like this but i don't know what to do! I need HELP!!
I'm so scared!! I wish I had more courage than I do right now but I guess i just ave to take each day as it comes, BABY STEPS as they say!!
I just wonder how I'm gonna get out of this! How I'm gonna be good again, I just don't see an end right now!!
But I'm scared I'm gonna loose everything they way I'm feeling right now!!
Xx
Tuesday, 23 November 2010
courage, to pick ya self up an try again.
Courage
"Courage desn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day saying I'll try again tomorrow" ~Mariska Hargitay ~
I so need this rite now! I need that little bit of extra courage to get up an try again tomorrow!!
I have some amazing people in my life, who have helped me more than they will ever know!! But sometimes I just wish god would just take me now!! I just want the pain to go away, I know that can't happen over nite but I feel lost @ how i'm ment to move on!!
I want to go away on a retreat somewhere away from normality well home town walk on the sand take in the sea air an talk an I don't know be me I guess an it doesn't even have to be some where warm or hot just a beach with the rawing sea an beautiful sand beneath my feet!!
Xx <3 xX
"Courage desn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day saying I'll try again tomorrow" ~Mariska Hargitay ~
I so need this rite now! I need that little bit of extra courage to get up an try again tomorrow!!
I have some amazing people in my life, who have helped me more than they will ever know!! But sometimes I just wish god would just take me now!! I just want the pain to go away, I know that can't happen over nite but I feel lost @ how i'm ment to move on!!
I want to go away on a retreat somewhere away from normality well home town walk on the sand take in the sea air an talk an I don't know be me I guess an it doesn't even have to be some where warm or hot just a beach with the rawing sea an beautiful sand beneath my feet!!
Xx <3 xX
Saturday, 13 November 2010
The Shadow of Guilt an Breaking Free!!
Guilt
"When people are abused and assaulted, it is like the doors to their souls slam shut. The goal of Joyful Heart is to let the light, and the life, back in--to banish the darkness and let the healing begin." - Mariska Hargitay, President & Founder, Joyful Heart Foundation
As a survivor it you carry guilt around with you, well until you over come it!
I haven't yet, but I'm hoping soon I will be able to I need to work at it Work my way through it! I hold a lot of guilt so very close to my chest and I know i have to work through it to bring my self closer to the light at the end of the tunnel but it hard!! I feel guilty for telling people coz now they carry my burden upon there shoulders too but a friend a close friend who is like a 2nd Mum to me told me
"I love you, you are my baby girl, But you really need to get professional help now, I'm not qualified to help you in the way you need help, I soo wish i was but I'm not, An I will be there for you, all the way, Take you too session, be your shoulder after your sessions an hold you on day you think you can't stand but you need to talk to someone processional about what happened and the way you feel"
at first after her saying that I felt alone again I felt she couldn't cope with me talking to her but then I re-played what she said in my head again an again an realised it wasn't that at all it was the fact all she wanted was the best for me, wanted me to be happy me to build my life for me to be guilt free, to feel FREE inside & out and that's all that I want, to be FREE to learn to love my self again to not feel terror from a thought a touch or a sight or a feeling to be free and Feel LOVED, I know people tell me I'm loved but I don't always let my self feel the love I don't let people in like I should!!
I read this the other day:-
"Everybody knows that rape, sexual assault and child abuse happen. Society is willing to look at this reality from time to time, but is just as willing to forget the horrible truth about how many survivors are walking among us. The Joyful Heart Foundation is working to build a community that is strong enough not to push this reality away, a community that acknowledges the dark side of this issue, but endeavors to turn toward the light of healing, the path to possibility and the clarity of honest dialogue." @ Joyful Heart Foundation web page
It makes you think yes there are so many of us out there but we are to scared to stand as one and be noticed but if a foundation like Joyful Heart is pushing our plee forward then it make the world brighter!
Sending lots of love to you all
XXxx
"When people are abused and assaulted, it is like the doors to their souls slam shut. The goal of Joyful Heart is to let the light, and the life, back in--to banish the darkness and let the healing begin." - Mariska Hargitay, President & Founder, Joyful Heart Foundation
As a survivor it you carry guilt around with you, well until you over come it!
I haven't yet, but I'm hoping soon I will be able to I need to work at it Work my way through it! I hold a lot of guilt so very close to my chest and I know i have to work through it to bring my self closer to the light at the end of the tunnel but it hard!! I feel guilty for telling people coz now they carry my burden upon there shoulders too but a friend a close friend who is like a 2nd Mum to me told me
"I love you, you are my baby girl, But you really need to get professional help now, I'm not qualified to help you in the way you need help, I soo wish i was but I'm not, An I will be there for you, all the way, Take you too session, be your shoulder after your sessions an hold you on day you think you can't stand but you need to talk to someone processional about what happened and the way you feel"
at first after her saying that I felt alone again I felt she couldn't cope with me talking to her but then I re-played what she said in my head again an again an realised it wasn't that at all it was the fact all she wanted was the best for me, wanted me to be happy me to build my life for me to be guilt free, to feel FREE inside & out and that's all that I want, to be FREE to learn to love my self again to not feel terror from a thought a touch or a sight or a feeling to be free and Feel LOVED, I know people tell me I'm loved but I don't always let my self feel the love I don't let people in like I should!!
I read this the other day:-
"Everybody knows that rape, sexual assault and child abuse happen. Society is willing to look at this reality from time to time, but is just as willing to forget the horrible truth about how many survivors are walking among us. The Joyful Heart Foundation is working to build a community that is strong enough not to push this reality away, a community that acknowledges the dark side of this issue, but endeavors to turn toward the light of healing, the path to possibility and the clarity of honest dialogue." @ Joyful Heart Foundation web page
It makes you think yes there are so many of us out there but we are to scared to stand as one and be noticed but if a foundation like Joyful Heart is pushing our plee forward then it make the world brighter!
Sending lots of love to you all
XXxx
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