Change & Asking Questions

Change & Asking questions


I know as time passes I'm growing, I'm changing and I have come to accept YES I was Sexually Assaulted and No it wasn't MY fault not one bit! This is one of the hardest if not the hardest bit i have ever had to face the fact I am not to blame and that I am not alone!!
But I have, Don't get me wrong its still not easy but I feel I'm moving forward in some way!!
This year is one hell of a challenging Year but I will climb this mountain like I've climbed all other mountains even if its hard I will get there!!


But i still ave a few nagging questions going round my head big style....


ONE) Do I confide in my mum an Tell her all?! In the hope that she reacts better than I think

Two) Do I go and confront The Teacher (My old Head of year) who I tried to confide in all those years back when it happened, when He tried to RAPE me?, Do i find that teacher an ask him why he didn't do more?, I've blocked half of that memory out and I remember trying to tell him coz i trusted him but i felt alone and unable to talk, I didn't ave the words!! Or did he do as much as he could coz i couldn't talk!! coz i felt alone!! I felt dirty!! Part of me just wants to e-mail him an ask him or talk to him face to face an ask him! Why he didn't push me to talk about it?
I really want to ask him this but I am sooo scared of his reaction or in the worst case the fact He does NOT remember it at all? I don't know whats worse the fact he doesn't remember me or that or him telling me to get a life!!


Maybe i should just get the courage to e-mail him, as i know even tho its 13 nearly 14 years ago he still works at the same school! I feel I need to heal more and talking to people about it an those people i trusted at the time who i now feel didn't do enough!! But what if it was me who didn't do enough?! Maybe i should ave pushed more or talked more to him? Yes i know its not my fault that it happened but maybe i'd have healed earlier if i'd pushed or talk more!!
I just don't have all the answers and I soo wish I did!!