Two steps forward & One step back

Two steps forward & one step back

I got back from my run tonight with my friend, i had really been looking forward to it was its my time to run out my problems so to speak, I run with my best friend and get out of it have a laugh an take all my problems out, by pushing my self, I only started running 3 weeks ago but it's helped me loads, an we have alaugh and getting fit at the same time!
But i've had a bad day, work was ok and I was feelin pretty good but then i had to go to do some paper work for my 2nd job with area manager and that was it i was totally stressed out and when we'd finished my head felt so bad I felt so emotional.
I sat in my living room feeling like I was going to cry at any moment, but i kept it locked in coz whats the point no one can hear my cries but even when someone does hear my cries i don't talk so i'm so used to trying to lock it away.
This afternoon I felt like i had done a couple of weeks ago I had a million an one emotions going round my heart & my head an its been confusing me.
An i'm still feeling the same now after my run but not as bad but it's still there still pushing at me i thought the run would help me but no its not!
I feel like I've taken a step back rather than forward I know I'm still healing an its all part of the healing an i know i will never forget my assault but when I have healed my assault will be a scare that I can live with, but to me at times i feel i take two steps forward and then one step back.
This month is extra hard for me tho as 14years ago I lost my Dad he had a heart attack, an he was my world, I spent so much time with him, there was a joke my family that I was his shaddow as where he went I was always close behind.
Not having him around when i was assaulted was hard as I always told him everything our relationship was like a how most girls have with there mothers, but only i had it with him.
I can't undstand these feeling i have at the moment I'm upset about losing him but i've also got these feeling of what happened to me 12 years ago an I really don't know what to tackle first!
God healing is hard but i knew that when i started the jounery when i broke my silence, but i hadn't imagened it being this hard.
But i'm realising that i can't keep kicking my self an taking it out on my self it wasn't my fault what he did to me that blame lays souly with HIM not me!!
And thats one big step i have over come an i know that now!
I guess today i've learnt that yes i may have one step back but hay i've just taken two sets forward an thats the most important bit i have moved forward, an yes i may have bad days but I also have good day and most importantly I am lucky enough to have close friends are helping me every set of the way, and that means the world to me it really does.
And I'm lucky enough to have found The Joyful Heart Foundation, which in has helped me learn, an is contuniously helping me to learn, which in turn helps me heal and i feel empowered from that.
An expressing my self like this is helping me too and in turn i do hope so much that it is help you guys too.
Stay Joyful & fearless
PinkYorkshireLass
X x X